Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
