i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
