pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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