life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
