She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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