dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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