at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
