My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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