don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
