I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
