yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
