You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
