Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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