I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
