kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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