also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
