she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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