girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
