i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
