He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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