i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
