Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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