hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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