everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
