Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
