there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
