My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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