When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
