Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
