I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
