those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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