I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
