I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
