i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
