if you like me you must not know who I am
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
