alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
