I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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