I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
