i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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