this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
