She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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