Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
