My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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