Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I supernannyed him into submission
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
