He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
