Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
