Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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