I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
