I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am naked and annoyed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
