so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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