So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
