i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
