hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
