i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
