Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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