why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
